Today is March 4, 2011. I am 51 years old and have been married for almost 28 years. I have been lucky to have been married this long. There have been several times when our marriage almost ended in divorce. I was convinced that the problems were mostly her fault. I went to the counselors and so did she. I admitted I had some problems but I didn't think they were very big. Don't get me wrong. I don't physically or verbally abuse my wife. I love her very much. I just didn't realize that by my inactions, neglect and words I was hurting her even more.
My wife is actually a pretty nice person most of the time, except when she gets really angry, which is almost all of the time now. It didn't used to be that way. It's not the way I grew up so when it first started happening I didn't know how to deal with it. My philosophy has always been that if you have a problem, you deal with it, and then you get over it. It's done. You don't have to worry about it any more. Unfortunately, that's not how it works in marriage. It's never done, at least in my marriage. Things I said years ago have come back to haunt me when we have another argument.
Let me describe my wife. She is 49 years old, from upstate New York. She is a beautiful blue-eyed, redhead, slim, loves to cook and has a dream of being a pastry chef, although she would like to work on her terms, not for someone else. She is currently working for a CPA and it's tax season. Things are very busy and she gets extremely frustrated with things at work. She is working 6 days a week and it's taking its toll on her.
I am currently working as a financial advisor. I started three years ago and it has been a struggle to build up my practice from nothing. Where I work they don't give you many leads and you pay for everything. It's hard to get started. The goal is to be making enough money to support my family within 5 years of starting and have my wife quit her job without feeling the guilt that goes along with no longer bringing money into the house. She doesn't want to be the breadwinner and neither do I, except she doesn't believe it because it hasn't happened yet and it's taking longer that it should. I know it will happen but it's frustrating because I have no emotional support from my wife. She doesn't understand that there are bad days and there are good days. I have had more bad days than good days and there are days when I kick myself for starting in this career. She hasn't wanted me to do this from the beginning but I don't see any other way for us to be able to retire. Maybe I'll die first so I never have to retire.
This blog is going to be my way of discovering who I am really am and what I can do better. My wife and I are currently going through therapy. At our session this past week I came to realize that perhaps it really is my fault. I'll try to explain it so that I can understand it better myself.
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